Laura Bonarrigo

Life Coach

business

How To Persevere In The Face Of Massive Disappointment

Beautiful woman ready to persevere in the face of massive disappointment in front of sailboats at a marinaIt happened again. He left without explanation. She fired a colleague. The weekend with your kids was a bust. How often do we have to face massive disappointments? I wager, all the time! So often in fact, it’s astounding anyone has the energy to keep going. How do you persevere in the face of massive disappointments? Below, I’ll share mine.

My wedding day bliss turned to massive disappointments more than once!

I learned to persevere, to allow love back in not by heading to shore and dry-docking my boat but by allowing myself to get back out there! To love, to enter into marriage is a public declaration that you’re willing to risk being hurt. It’s a creative, bold move. No one casually enters into wedlock. You see, I’m definitely not one to shrink in the face of being bold.

But I dislike disappointments as much as the next person so I’ve had to figure out ways to keep going.

As an actress, I’ve faced thousands more rejections than most. Judged on the color of my hair or my height or the number of wrinkles on my face, those disappointments can add up. They are personal. There’s not much I could do about my height but I also didn’t get to work opposite Tom Cruise because of it.

I’ve learned that to persevere in the face of massive disappointments, you have to be bold.

Pick up the pieces, wipe your tears, pull up your big girl (or guy) pants and get going again. It’s not easy nor is it fair but no matter what you want, you’re responsible for doing your best to get it.

If you’ve fallen in and out of love, having had your heart broken a few times, you may know what I’m talking about. It takes courage to keep going. To go online and start dating again. We hope those risks will pay off.

But what if they don’t? What if you do your best, persevere and decide it’s not worth it. That’s fine! You’ve made your decision for now and I’d tell you to try to accept it.

Unfortunately, disappointments come more often than any of us would like. Because change is omnipresent. Things change all around us all the time. And we don’t like it. I don’t like change anymore than anyone else. It can be tough to keep going. I’m in the midst of a massive change right now with my kids off to college and it is not comfortable.

Disappointments are not wrong. Change is uncomfortable.

So I get up each day and decide to feel good. (It’s not always easy.) And when I decide, I also hope – that it will feel okay to be among new people, doing new things. Sometimes it’s easier than others. Sometimes it stinks but like with falling in love, I don’t stay on shore. I get up and head out, being bold and courageous once again. Because, for me there is no other choice.

Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Divorce Coach. Laura’s a writer, public speaker, and advisor to those ready to move their lives forward. For empowering and practical ways to begin anew whether personally or professionally, set up a call here.

Stop being a complainer – how to solve problems instead!

A group of frustrated people are looking at a computer screen trying to solve problems together.

How’s that going for you, that complaining? Do you find you’re surrounded by someone who’s frustrated? A complainer? In my experience, I find complainers are everywhere. Then we become a complainer too. So how do go from being frustrated to being someone who can solve problems instead? You challenge yourself to do so.

You cannot afford to become a complainer.

Every single time, you allow those around you to complain without offering a solution, you add to the problem. Even when you’re open to listening to their frustrations. When others whine, moan, suck the air out of the room with their bad dispositions, it stinks for everyone. Everyone’s spirits fall. Then bad behavior follows shortly thereafter.

Instead of frustrated complaining – solve the problems instead!

You’ve got good ideas. Even great ideas. You’re in it… you’re aware of what’s going on. Stop pretending you don’t get it. Moreover, stop pretending no one cares about what you think. They do!

However, what they can’t deal with is the way in which ideas or solutions come to them. Every boss, manager, or owner can tolerate a good brainstorming session to solve problems. They want solutions to the frustrations they don’t even know about! I’ve found that my boss wants my input! They want my creative solutions and they’re grateful for what I bring to meetings.

But what they can’t deal with is a whiner and complainer. They don’t have time for a bitch session. They have time for a thoughtful, measured, excited creative solution instead. My boss craves people around them who’ll help them make things go better. She needs that kind of input.

So, when the urge in you wants to complain, stop the frustration.

Figure out how to do it better. For example, practice what you’ll present to your managers. Then set up a time to talk. Finally, consider how they may react and what questions they may be asking you in response.

How will you answer? Will you become defensive and angry, your ego bruised? Or will you allow the tension to move through you so you can remain measured and thoughtful and solve the problems?

Figure out how to talk about the changes you see and your boss will listen.

A man in a suit sits with his back to the camera looking at two women in a brainstorming session to solve problems.

When you simply complain and vent your frustrations, they will tune you out. Know that. You become another cog in the wheel. (And no one wants to be just another cog in the wheel.) We all have creativity within us to solve problems. To work on solutions and come up with creative, efficient ideas that are easy to put in place.

When you know how to make your problems easier, you become invaluable.

The solutions your team, colleagues, managers and bosses want can only come from you. So take those frustrations and turn those problems around. Make yourself invaluable to others at work by solving the problems you see.

Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Divorce Coach. Laura’s a writer, public speaker, and she just joined a new company solving a lot of problems. For empowering and practical ways to begin anew, set up a strategy session here.

Stop being obnoxious! You need to be at work

A man and woman happy because they know they are needed at work

As an employee, your desire to play it safe sometimes makes work in general hard to take. Your colleagues, your boss and the enterprise that pays you needs you to stop being obnoxious. You need to be at work for way more than your paycheck. You need to be at work to be a part of something. You also need to be there to grow. Work makes our lives better in more ways than one.

Work makes the person.

A career, a job, a part-time job gives you purpose, hope, a social structure, a paycheck. It puts food on your table, your kids through college, and gives you a place to learn new things. Work matters. No matter what kind of work you do.

Your boss is counting on you. Your colleagues are counting on you.

When you show up, the fabric of the organization is more complete. You’re needed at the place you go to. Most of us spend more hours of the day at work than at home. It matters that you be a part of a group of people participating in something together. Even if you feel as if your role doesn’t play a big part. It does.

Your family needs you to go to work.

It’s not just for the paycheck. They need you to learn new things, speak to other people, and bring home topics to talk about. They need your spirits to be lifted up just as much as they need you to come home grateful to be there.

These days, I notice too many people act as if they’re disposable. They don’t show up at work. Co-workers cancel shifts. Or they quit without warning. Too often, they’re pissed when they are there or they hate what they do.

People act as if they’re un-needed. Un-wanted.

Nothing could be further from the truth. When you don’t show up at work, everyone suffers. Other people have to pick up the slack. Your manager becomes cranky. Colleagues feel put upon and you are missed. Your boss may be over it.

When you don’t show up, you’re being obnoxious and you risk losing your job.

Jobs are plentiful so you may be thinking, ‘so what?’ Well, as someone who employs others and works with others, what you show me when you’re not there with me is that you think you’re better than me. So maybe you’re right, maybe you do think it doesn’t matter.

Or you may feel you’re not wanted or that your boss or colleagues were mean. That you need to take a personal day. I get all that and you may be right! You also may be expecting too much from others.

There are days people are people and they can suck.

There are days when everyone’s moodiness needs a break. You’re also part of the fabric that keeps everyone in check. When you come in ready to work, the feeling is contagious. You can make or break a day.

Your participation can make or break a business.

Not necessarily because you’re the owner or the boss but because you contribute to the spirit. It’s important to get that everyone matters at work. So show up, bring a great attitude, and participate willingly.

Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Divorce Coach. Laura’s a writer, public speaker, and advisor to those ready to move their lives forward. For empowering and practical ways to begin anew whether personally or professionally, set up a call here.

Decisions matter – how to avoid what happens when you stall

A beautiful woman is happy because her decisions matter and she's willing to take action

These days, we all have a lot to think about. Often, too much. There’s your health, your family, your career. You think about how to spend your weekends, where to socialize, and what to do on your vacation. So when you wait to make that decision, choose not to take action or stall out of fear and anxiety, you risk way more than you realize. Especially those big decisions you may be afraid to make. Here’s how to avoid what happens when you stall.

Decisions affect the quality of your life.

When you let time go by, you lose out on opportunity and chance. Even when you think it’s best to slow down and think about things.
 
When you ponder, wait, or mull things over, you sacrifice the energy these goals need. Life doesn’t wait for us to become comfortable with what’s required. Especially these days. Our lives need us to be competitive, responsive and pre-emptive rather than reactionary.
 
 

When you don’t take action and play it safe instead, you lose momentum.

Life moves forward every day whether you’re ready for it or not. The opportunities that come your way don’t always stick around waiting for you to feel good.
Decisions matter. Your health often requires preventative action. Your career needs you to make brave choices. While your relationships need you to step up, be authentic and noble.
 
Any of these scenarios may feel uncomfortable. They may be anxiety producing. You may want to hide instead of taking that bold step forward. But ultimately, your goals don’t care how you feel. Your goals need you – your focus, your energy, your drive, your time, your intelligence, your heart – not your fears.
 
Time waits for no man. And wrong decisions are reversible. In fact, I’d argue, there are no wrong decisions. Just bold moves.
 

To avoid what happens when you stall, you must make a decision and take action.

No matter how small the step. When you’re positioning yourself for a promotion or your company for expansion, there’s no time to waste. There are concrete steps that have to be taken. If you’re going to move your family to another state, school year commitments can delay a move for years until you’re ready to be bold. Take that chance. And if you’re interested in asking someone out, don’t wait. That person you’re attracted to is attractive to someone else as well.
 

The story of your life is yours to create.

You can’t wait for circumstances to come neatly wrapped and presented perfectly. Life is hardly perfect. And you’re made of stronger stuff than a life of waiting and hoping, stalling to make those decisions.
 

Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Divorce Coach. Laura’s a writer, public speaker, and advisor to those ready to move their lives forward. For empowering and practical ways to begin anew whether personally or professionally, set up a call here.