Powerful Attitude

This Is The Best Way To Quit And Break Important Agreements

August 20, 2019

Another employee up and quit without warning. That’s leaving important agreements with me with no warning and no discussion. I get it, work is hard and showing up someplace you don’t want to be feels demeaning. But there is a good way to quit your job or to leave your family without losing face. In fact, the best way to break important agreements is easier than you think. And you get to go with your head held high and some grace and gratitude in your wake

When you’re done you’re done but those important agreements you made, they still carry on.

You want out. The marriage is stale, your job sucks, the neighborhood is boring, and your routine’s dull. Life can appear dreary for many. But that doesn’t mean by leaving, you’ve solved anything other than changing where you are. The expression, ‘you bring yourself wherever you go’ is so applicable in this moment.

When you quit, your important agreements are still hanging.

When you leave your family or you leave your home, the things you’re leaving still carry on. Kids need parenting, love still needs to be made, and the things that keep a family together have to continue. You may be leaving, but your family stays intact.

When you quit your job, there’s no real consequence except for the people you’re leaving. They’re the ones who have to pick up the slack. Your employee may or may not be able to quickly hire someone in your place. You may quit and leave but the work carries on.

Leave with some dignity rather than with all your emotional stuff.

When you make a career move, we’re told to be quiet about it. To interview during lunch, and not let others know before the big announcement. It’s exhausting. And it shows just how important it is to quit and leave gracefully.

When you leave with your head held high, you reap the reward.

Leaving with your dignity intact means a great deal. Your employer has invested in you. You invested in learning new skills and participated in relationships. Leaving abruptly is like betrayal. It hurts others.

If you have a conversation, offer to help find your replacement, and even train someone, you win. (Okay, perhaps not a new spouse.) But you get what I’m saying… help out your employer so that you can leave with some dignity and self-respect.

Set a good impression.

The more I work with others, the more I’m amazed at how people short change themselves the little wins in life. The chance to set a good impression. To leave with one’s head held high. An opportunity to find and train your own replacement gives you a chance to feel needed and wanted. These are important aspects of life.

When you leave a marriage after participating in therapy or telling your kids together, you know you did your best. There is nothing more important than that self-awareness, your head held high, your self-respect intact.

Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Divorce Coach. Laura’s a writer, public speaker, and advisor to those ready to move their lives forward. For empowering and practical ways to begin anew whether personally or professionally, set up a call here.

Work-Life Balance? How To Create A Better Day

August 16, 2019

Work-life balance is difficult for everyone these days.

It may be easier to discover the holy grail than to get that work-life balance we all seek. Especially if you’ve recently ended a marriage and returned to work. You’re not alone. It seems as if everyone talks about schedules, demands, and too much responsibility.

Which is why the elusive work-life balance discussion continues. I for one am immersed in it. The relationships I build with clients are 24/7, not 9-5. These days I’m helping out a sister and her small business. I’m a project manager for another small business, I am working on my own business, and trying to have a life! I stay immersed in these questions all day long.

Create a better day by adjusting your expectations not the balance in your life.

Work-life has become non-stop these days. Everyone is plugged in expected to jump as the first ping sounds. But when work feels more like the thing we love to do, it stops feeling like a burden. You see, there’s no stopping the flow. If you want success, you must step into the pace at which work occurs these days.

If you’ve been out of the workforce raising a family, you’ll definitely feel the effects of the change. It’ll take time to build your stamina and handle the responsibility. No one enjoys being told what to do or when to show up.

I see this over and over again with my coaching clients. It’s tough to overcome the innate resistance we have to authority of any sort. One of the things I suggest is giving yourself time to adjust. Life in the fast lane, when you have to earn an income or grow a business, is intense. You’re not alone in thinking ‘what’s this all about?’

Work-life balance is fast, furious, competitive, and demanding.

But what’s the alternative? You can’t return to a broken marriage or bring your kids back to the crib. If you’ve got bills to pay and debts to clear up, you have to commit to a focused effort for a period of time.

Part of creating a better day is adjusting your expectations.

No one likes to feel they’re swimming upstream. So when we complain or vent to others, we continue to create more stress. We’re told the secret is finding work you love (easy to say), finding a place you love to live in (again, easy to say). Or finding people you want to be with day in and day out. (Tough to do if you’re healing from any sort of trauma.)

Which is why I look for moments to breathe, enjoy my surroundings or witness nature. I stop and admire the trees nearby, listen for birds, watch children play. I no longer expect to have weekends off or even be able to take a long vacation. Not now. Instead, I seek to create a better day moment by moment. That work-life balance has to be enough at the moment and it is.

Stop being a complainer – how to solve problems instead!

August 7, 2019

A group of frustrated people are looking at a computer screen trying to solve problems together.

How’s that going for you, that complaining? Do you find you’re surrounded by someone who’s frustrated? A complainer? In my experience, I find complainers are everywhere. Then we become a complainer too. So how do go from being frustrated to being someone who can solve problems instead? You challenge yourself to do so.

You cannot afford to become a complainer.

Every single time, you allow those around you to complain without offering a solution, you add to the problem. Even when you’re open to listening to their frustrations. When others whine, moan, suck the air out of the room with their bad dispositions, it stinks for everyone. Everyone’s spirits fall. Then bad behavior follows shortly thereafter.

Instead of frustrated complaining – solve the problems instead!

You’ve got good ideas. Even great ideas. You’re in it… you’re aware of what’s going on. Stop pretending you don’t get it. Moreover, stop pretending no one cares about what you think. They do!

However, what they can’t deal with is the way in which ideas or solutions come to them. Every boss, manager, or owner can tolerate a good brainstorming session to solve problems. They want solutions to the frustrations they don’t even know about! I’ve found that my boss wants my input! They want my creative solutions and they’re grateful for what I bring to meetings.

But what they can’t deal with is a whiner and complainer. They don’t have time for a bitch session. They have time for a thoughtful, measured, excited creative solution instead. My boss craves people around them who’ll help them make things go better. She needs that kind of input.

So, when the urge in you wants to complain, stop the frustration.

Figure out how to do it better. For example, practice what you’ll present to your managers. Then set up a time to talk. Finally, consider how they may react and what questions they may be asking you in response.

How will you answer? Will you become defensive and angry, your ego bruised? Or will you allow the tension to move through you so you can remain measured and thoughtful and solve the problems?

Figure out how to talk about the changes you see and your boss will listen.

A man in a suit sits with his back to the camera looking at two women in a brainstorming session to solve problems.

When you simply complain and vent your frustrations, they will tune you out. Know that. You become another cog in the wheel. (And no one wants to be just another cog in the wheel.) We all have creativity within us to solve problems. To work on solutions and come up with creative, efficient ideas that are easy to put in place.

When you know how to make your problems easier, you become invaluable.

The solutions your team, colleagues, managers and bosses want can only come from you. So take those frustrations and turn those problems around. Make yourself invaluable to others at work by solving the problems you see.

Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Divorce Coach. Laura’s a writer, public speaker, and she just joined a new company solving a lot of problems. For empowering and practical ways to begin anew, set up a strategy session here.

Foolish complaining – harms the exciting opportunities you want.

August 2, 2019

Woman wearing a white turtle neck and red lipstick has her hands on her temples as the constant complaints are annoying.

We want exciting opportunities. Most people want enough money, a great relationship and a good work environment. When you whine and complain, you harm the exciting opportunities you want. Foolish complaining will, without a doubt, ruin intimacy and love. Those complaints have to go!

The things you want cannot deal with foolish complaining.

A woman I know was going on and on about online dating recently. Newly divorced and wanting a relationship, she had excitedly joined a dating app. But she had too many negative things to say about the people coming her way. It was tough to hear her undercut guys she hoped to date and I made her stop the foolish complaining. It was evidence that more time needed to pass before love could blossom.

She then admitted she isn’t ready to begin dating again. Not yet. I encouraged her to do more healing and to take more time. Love needs vulnerability to thrive.

You cannot complain about the opposite sex at the same time you hope to be intimate.

People at work create these cultures of complaining way too often. It starts subtly then becomes annoying to others. My clients often bring questions on how to deal with workplace complaints. I always tell them not to take the bait. Once you surround yourself with whiners and complainers, it’s easy to join in and tough to break the habit.

A dark skin man w glasses is annoyed by the foolish complaining at his office.

Foolish complaining can destroy camaraderie at work or undercut the promotions you hope to get. Colleagues need solutions not more whining. Management will not promote you. And those coveted customers and clients will stay away. Those that complain must learn how to break the habit. After all it’s called work.

No work environment can deal with whining and complaining without solutions.

And then, way too often, we fall into the trap of undercutting the very person we say we love. We complain and gripe about one another. Or take each other for granted. I see this over and over again in my practice. The foolish complaining destroys intimacy, trust, and love. Just when your personal relationships need you to show up in good spirits.

During my first marriage, my husband insisted I not complain about him to others. He didn’t want the gossip and held firm. To me, it seemed odd and seemingly controlling. I didn’t understand what he meant until I began to listen to other couples. And then I got it.

Other couples were in the habit of taking cheap shots at one another. Whether in good humor or not, the constant stream of attack was difficult to be around. In fact, it was mean.

Sex requires love, trust and vulnerability. Foolish complaining about your lover ruins intimacy.

If you’re in the habit of whining and complaining whether at work or at home, consider changing. The exciting opportunities you want cannot take on your complaints habit. Not if you want to get ahead and have what you want.

Stop being obnoxious! You need to be at work

July 24, 2019

A man and woman happy because they know they are needed at work

As an employee, your desire to play it safe sometimes makes work in general hard to take. Your colleagues, your boss and the enterprise that pays you needs you to stop being obnoxious. You need to be at work for way more than your paycheck. You need to be at work to be a part of something. You also need to be there to grow. Work makes our lives better in more ways than one.

Work makes the person.

A career, a job, a part-time job gives you purpose, hope, a social structure, a paycheck. It puts food on your table, your kids through college, and gives you a place to learn new things. Work matters. No matter what kind of work you do.

Your boss is counting on you. Your colleagues are counting on you.

When you show up, the fabric of the organization is more complete. You’re needed at the place you go to. Most of us spend more hours of the day at work than at home. It matters that you be a part of a group of people participating in something together. Even if you feel as if your role doesn’t play a big part. It does.

Your family needs you to go to work.

It’s not just for the paycheck. They need you to learn new things, speak to other people, and bring home topics to talk about. They need your spirits to be lifted up just as much as they need you to come home grateful to be there.

These days, I notice too many people act as if they’re disposable. They don’t show up at work. Co-workers cancel shifts. Or they quit without warning. Too often, they’re pissed when they are there or they hate what they do.

People act as if they’re un-needed. Un-wanted.

Nothing could be further from the truth. When you don’t show up at work, everyone suffers. Other people have to pick up the slack. Your manager becomes cranky. Colleagues feel put upon and you are missed. Your boss may be over it.

When you don’t show up, you’re being obnoxious and you risk losing your job.

Jobs are plentiful so you may be thinking, ‘so what?’ Well, as someone who employs others and works with others, what you show me when you’re not there with me is that you think you’re better than me. So maybe you’re right, maybe you do think it doesn’t matter.

Or you may feel you’re not wanted or that your boss or colleagues were mean. That you need to take a personal day. I get all that and you may be right! You also may be expecting too much from others.

There are days people are people and they can suck.

There are days when everyone’s moodiness needs a break. You’re also part of the fabric that keeps everyone in check. When you come in ready to work, the feeling is contagious. You can make or break a day.

Your participation can make or break a business.

Not necessarily because you’re the owner or the boss but because you contribute to the spirit. It’s important to get that everyone matters at work. So show up, bring a great attitude, and participate willingly.