Love

Powerful Love Life Advice When You’ve Lost Your Soulmate

October 3, 2019

Losing a soulmate sucks. It hurst like nobody’s business. For many of us, our love life consumes our lives. When you’ve lost your soulmate, you’re looking for serious, powerful advice. The number of places I’ve turned to is long: friends, coaches, therapists, books; my own inner spirit. On and on. Where you turn to for powerful love life advice is important. When you’ve lost your soulmate, you look everywhere!

Losing a soulmate sucks.

Love is sublime, powerful, kind; in essence, great! We love being in love. But when a love ends, when you’re in the position that you’re the one who’s lost your soulmate, it can be crippling. I’ve been in bed, on the couch, unable to function more times than I wish to count. Each time, it became worse than before. That is, until I figured out what was up.

Turn to a trusted source for powerful love life advice.

Trusted sources for love life advice are few and far between. I personally don’t read magazine articles anymore. They put me in my head and make me feel bad about myself, the choices I’ve made, and the men I slept with. Designed to make me judge myself, I do not read general advice.

I also don’t turn to religion or religious texts or therapists. I appreciate and respect religious wisdom and adore my therapist friends. But I don’t find solace in the past. The past is over and done with and understanding what I’ve done doesn’t always help me moving forward.

Instead I look towards patterns: my patterns of behavior, the way I usually do things. Then I seek out alternative ways of being so I can have a successful love life. I find this information in the cutting edge of behavioral science.

It doesn’t take hours or years to see your love-life patterns.

We do things over and over again until we’re either sick of ourselves or we’re sick of the results. (Usually, those two things go hand in hand.) I find that it doesn’t take hours or years to see patterns. They are the things that feel most comfortable. Or the way we behave in each relationship giving us the same results. They are the things we identify with and when we go to change them, it feels strange.

But just because things feel strange or awkward or self-conscious, doesn’t make them wrong or bad. To change means to be bold. To admit that what we’ve been doing hasn’t give us the results we want. When you’ve lost your soulmate, how you do your love-life needs to be shaken up! The energy it takes to re-rack and move forward comes from the very pain you’re experiencing when you lose your soulmate.

It’s that sucky feeling that drives the next decisions. Decisions create the actions and whatever consequences that come about. If you want a soulmate to stick around, you’re going to have to take those awful feelings and channel them into making decisions that create new actions and results. It seems scientific and clinical. It is. It’s how we’re wired.

Being in love is a fantastic feeling.

Most of us love being in love. But without understanding how we do our love-lives, it’s tough to grasp our part in the loss. If you’re having a tough time understanding why, let’s examine your patterns together. I promise it won’t be too long before you have a healthy, happy soulmate in your life again!

The Unexpected Way To Get The Love You Want

August 28, 2019

Woman kissing a man by leaning over him is looking for love in a new relationship.

My clients want love. Usually, I get them right after the heartbreak and loss. Often it’s because of a divorce or a breakup with a significant relationship. They’re hurt, depressed, and a bit lost turning to new relationships as soon as possible. What usually happens is that new relationships end, causing more hurt. But there is an unexpected way to get the love you want and it just might surprise you!

Old habits die hard. They’re the kind of habits that caused the heartbreak to begin with. So when you’re about to jump into a new relationship, even while healing from a breakup, you may need to think twice about what you’re doing.

Build in time to re-rack, re-learn, and practice waiting for love to come to you instead of chasing it.

This is a daily practice. I know, you think everyone has these overnight sensational stories about finding love quickly and jumping into a new marriage. It happens, but the success rates vary and . These stories set you up for more pain as well so avoid them as much as possible.

Stop chasing those who do not return love.

When we glom onto new lovers expecting them to fulfill our joy and solve our lives, we set ourselves up for heart ache. I know, I’ve been there! Instead, consider finding your own joy, navigating your own day without using someone else. That’s when everything turns around and love is on the horizon again. As you put your life together again without someone else, self-confidence, hope, and optimism get put back on the table. Magic can then return to daily life.

After an important breakup, it’s worthwhile to stop and regroup.

Sure, sex is fun and lovers are important but so is your state of mind. When you start to prioritize your life and your spirit, you’ll find others gravitating towards you. Wanting you. Chasing you. Then you can decide, are they worthy to let in? After all, your life will be pretty good and they’d have to add rather than hurt you in the process.

So take care of yourself first and stop chasing those who don’t want to love you back. Let them go. You’re worth having someone want you too.

Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Life Coach and Certified Divorce Coach. Laura’s a writer, public speaker, and advisor to those ready to move their lives forward. For empowering and practical ways to begin anew whether personally or professionally, set up a call here.

3 Ways To Be Excited About Your Marriage (No Matter What)

March 3, 2019

Marriage statistics tell us that there are fewer divorces these days because there are fewer marriages. I think that’s a good thing – lots less heartache all around. But often those bored with the state of their relationship believe the problems lie with their spouses. Not them. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way just like not getting married, won’t save you from heartache when a relationship breaks apart. I’m convinced there are 3 ways to be excited about your marriage no matter what.

To be excited about your marriage is rather simple actually…

Listen to her… she wants you to see her and to hear her. To be next to her when she’s upset and to be patient as she’s working things out. This is not merely a feminine need. We all need to be seen and heard. We crave a thinking partner when we’re stuck and we hate being taken for granted. Those values aren’t simply a male-female thing, they’re a human thing.

Listening up gives us a chance to be there for someone else. To show up. It helps you feel like you have something to offer. I think it’s an example of loving another person. When you feel good about what you do for others, you stand a chance of feeling good about your marriage.

Thank him… he needs you to remember he’s not simply a meal ticket. He wants you to appreciate what he brings to your life, how he provides for your children, and keeps a roof over your head by slugging it out everyday at work.

Showing affection and being grateful for what another gives will give you a chance to get more. Male or female, we will give more when we feel others are enthusiastic about what we bring to the table whether it’s money, gifts or simply the things we do for another. That includes staying home and raising the children.

Have sex… I’m almost embarrassed to write this but you’d be surprised how often couples stop having sex and then they wonder why they’re not excited about their marriages!

Having sex with your spouse or your partner is the #1 way to be excited about your marriage no matter what!

Now we know that having sex isn’t always easy – there are babies and late nights at the office. But if you’re not having sex with your spouse, then who is? You didn’t just pair up to make a baby or to get a roof, chances are you were attracted to this spouse enough to ask them to spend the rest of your life with you.

So enjoy them. Keep yourself healthy so you can enjoy them and help them want to have sex with you too.

If you’re unhappy with the state of your relationship, bored with the usual routine, and unsure of how to mix things up, consider these 3 ways to be excited about your marriage no matter what. You have a chance to recreate your relationship every day. Take advantage of the bond marriage gives you and step up. I suspect, you’ll thank me in the end.