Laura Bonarrigo

Life Coach

Great Marriages

3 Ways To Be Excited About Your Marriage (No Matter What)

Woman excited about her marriage.

Marriage statistics tell us that there are fewer divorces these days because there are fewer marriages. I think that’s a good thing – lots less heartache all around. But often those bored with the state of their relationship believe the problems lie with their spouses. Not them. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way just like not getting married, won’t save you from heartache when a relationship breaks apart. I’m convinced there are 3 ways to be excited about your marriage no matter what. 

To be excited about your marriage is rather simple actually…

Listen to her… she wants you to see her and to hear her. To be next to her when she’s upset and to be patient as she’s working things out. This is not merely a feminine need. We all need to be seen and heard. We crave a thinking partner when we’re stuck and we hate being taken for granted. Those values aren’t simply a male-female thing, they’re a human thing. 

Listening up gives us a chance to be there for someone else. To show up. It helps you feel like you have something to offer. I think it’s an example of loving another person. When you feel good about what you do for others, you stand a chance of feeling good about your marriage. 

Thank him… he needs you to remember he’s not simply a meal ticket. He wants you to appreciate what he brings to your life, how he provides for your children, and keeps a roof over your head by slugging it out everyday at work.

Showing affection and being grateful for what another gives will give you a chance to get more. Male or female, we will give more when we feel others are enthusiastic about what we bring to the table whether it’s money, gifts or simply the things we do for another. That includes staying home and raising the children. 

Have sex… I’m almost embarrassed to write this but you’d be surprised how often couples stop having sex and then they wonder why they’re not excited about their marriages! 

Having sex with your spouse or your partner is the #1 way to be excited about your marriage no matter what!

Now we know that having sex isn’t always easy – there are babies and late nights at the office. But if you’re not having sex with your spouse, then who is? You didn’t just pair up to make a baby or to get a roof, chances are you were attracted to this spouse enough to ask them to spend the rest of your life with you. 

So enjoy them. Keep yourself healthy so you can enjoy them and help them want to have sex with you too. 

If you’re unhappy with the state of your relationship, bored with the usual routine, and unsure of how to mix things up, consider these 3 ways to be excited about your marriage no matter what. You have a chance to recreate your relationship every day. Take advantage of the bond marriage gives you and step up. I suspect, you’ll thank me in the end.

6-second shift information

Personal Growth-You Can’t Fly When Someone Else Is Standing On Your Neck

 

Personal growth means growing. This woman carries a turkey on her shoulder. The turkey is moving.My friend has this great expression: you can’t fly when someone else is standing on your neck. I like this expression because it helps me understand what goes on with personal growth. This article is a bit biographical and references turkeys. I grew up on a farm in Maine where we raised turkeys. So, for me, it’s not a big stretch…

It wasn’t blatant or obvious but over time I realized I simply couldn’t move forward with my personal growth and I knew something was holding me back. I felt like a large turkey being stepped on by Al’s boots down in the barn just before Thanksgiving… Al was our family’s farm hand, general contractor and all around family clown. He also killed the birds. When I realized I was feeling like a feathered friend, I began looking around for mud boots.

Most people pursue personal growth because something’s off. They’re not happy or they feel stuck.

It’s always this nagging feeling as if you’re looking around for some context to understand. Others barrel through until the pressure is too much. At a certain point, most of us have experienced that moment when things just aren’t what they seem. That moment is the wake-up call to grow. 

At the time, I did what every self-aware, seemingly enlightened adult does these days. I simply peered into my belly button. Then I answered a million and one personal growth questions. I played the “self-doubt” “self-hatred” and then the “narcissistic, entitled” card. Unfortunately, to no avail.

On the outside, I went to hours of therapy. I put on good luck charms, visited psychics and healers. I even sat down to confession and peered over my shoulder for hexes and voodoo dolls thinking someone had it out for me. That muddy boot just wouldn’t go away.

Over time, I realized I was looking to blame others instead of doing my personal growth. This is pretty common, so I didn’t feel so bad. It’s not always easy to grasp that inner growth often demands we up-level our entire lives. On the inside as well as on the outside. Blame or not, we are the cumulation of those we spend the most time with. 

When it comes to relationships, being stuck, held back or stepped on, can truly be caused by those around us. 

My personal growth was stopped. It was as if everything I tried to do fell apart. For example,  I was working creatively as an actor and then all of sudden, after mixing my personal and professional life, my relationships on the job fell apart. And I had to leave. Or I was asked to audition for a role and then introduced my family to the producer. Shortly thereafter, I lost the gig.  

This happens all the time in marriages and it’s one of the major reasons I feel marriages break down. People change. We grow. Our natural boredom with the status quo forces us to mix it up, to try something new. We need to take a class or find some inspiration. We were never made to stay the same for the next minute never mind the next decade or two or three. But in marriage, we choose to love for the long-term.

Championing the personal growth of our spouses means we are secure enough to enjoy the ride. As a result, when one of us grows and changes the other gets a piece of the spoils. 

Control, envy, or competition seeps into the energy field around us. We are capable of disrupting the personal growth of another. We’re also able to step on their chances for a great life. In the meantime, we ruin our chances of having a safe, supportive and enjoyable relationship with the person we claim we love.

Turkeys are really stupid creatures, they follow the rest of the flock.

Al may have been all-powerful on my family farm. But once I realized that no one around me had the power to stand on my neck, I took a hose to all the muddy boots in my life. As a coach, I champion the personal growth of others because I know it’s the best way to secure a great marriage. Or a great life.

We have the opportunity to become almost anything. Despite the odds. Instead of being the muddy boot, how about getting a hose for yourself? I’m serious when I ask when you last sat down with your spouse and championed their success. The couples that can handle the personal growth of one another reap amazing trust and have fun in the process. 

So how can you step out of your comfort zone and grant a pardon for the one you sleep with this holiday season? In so doing, your relationship can become stronger, more exciting, and your spouse’s opportunities could grant your marriage a chance to breathe.  

Link for The Better Divorce 25-page ebook.