The stories of people falling in love are way better than the tales of breakups. But we all know stories of lovers who’ve had to part ways. Usually, it’s because of career moves, college, and often, timing. I’m sure you’ve had that experience yourself! There’s that climatic movie moment when the music swells and everyone reaches for a tissue. But having to get over your own breakup when you still love someone else is way harder than any movie or book. Because falling in love is what we all want. Here are 3 reminders for how to get over a breakup when you still love each other.
When you’re falling in love, know going forward, you’ll never forget them.
The pain will get easier to bear and over time you’ll be left with happy memories. Yes, Virginia, there will be the ones who get away and you will miss them. Missing them colors who you become. Sometimes, you’ll have a deep friendship going forward. There’ll always be this little secret the two of you share and it makes it kind of fun. No one can ever take away the memories of what you’ve shared.
I still remember falling in love with him and I will never forget him.
My friend D means the world to me, we share many happy moments and have for years now. He’s been married, divorced, and married; I’ve been married and divorced since we were a couple. We never quite had a chance to make our love for one another grow into more than a deep friendship. I had to go to NYC to pursue an acting career, he had to stay put and develop his career. It was more circumstantial than anything else. I adore his wife, he loves my kids. When I see D, our conversation picks up where we left off. The best part, no one has separated our love for one another. Luckily for us, we allowed it to change over the years but let it always be present.
Life isn’t fair! Remember that the heart doesn’t understand exams, deadlines, movers or miles. We often fall in love when it becomes safe enough to feel the good stuff. But not at the right time to commit to the work all relationships put us through.
Falling in love is so much fun.
It hurts when a relationship in its prime gets pulled apart because of timing. I found one of the most discouraging things about my life as an actor was falling in love with co-stars. Only to have the show close or the job end and for them to move to LA without me. It didn’t matter that they were moving on for them. My heart was stuck imagining them next to me waiting for texts and phone calls. Which of course never materialized!
God laughs when we make plans to be in a relationship. Enough said! I especially notice that when there are big life plans in the works… a current lover steps it up a bit. They work extra hard to show you a good time and then poof, you’re off!
The hardest thing about love is that it creeps in on us, takes a hold and then way too often gets ripped away.
Public commitments and legal vows exacerbate the pain of a divorce. There are children, retirement accounts, and past vacations to wrap up. When you’re the one who’s spouse walks out while you still love each other, it leaves a broken heart. Along with tons of confusion and anger no matter what the reasons.
This is where life’s lessons come into play.
Too often, the fight has more to do with trying to hang onto something familiar, than it has to do with the actual fight. Whether it be the person in your life, your home, your children or the fight for your self-esteem. Be brave! When you’re ready to let go, trust life is doing you a favor. Life is not causing you pain. Eventually, you will see that letting them go is the right decision for you no matter how much it hurts.
Sometimes God laughs while we’re falling in love and making new plans.
You may wonder if they still love you while they’re in the arms of another. Or you may be fighting because you want them back no matter what they did. You might also have to let them go because of what they did even though a part of you still loves them. To each of these possibilities is the truth that it will hurt and you will still have to let go.
You move on. You open your hands and your heart.
So you do. You move on. You open your hands and your heart. You forgive yourself for holding onto someone who can’t be there anymore. Even if they once filled you completely and now must get on with their life without you. It will hurt. And you will survive. You have had so much practice in your life already.
Those memories of falling in love and being in love are yours to hold onto.
You alone know who they were when they were with you. No one else makes love to your ex-spouse or ex-lover the way you two did. No one else shared those tears. Or saw your children being born. You were the ones who counted stars and kept each other warm on a cold, early autumn night. Those are your cherished memories. No new lover, no new child, no new spouse can ever take those away from what you’ve shared together.
You’ll never forget falling in love as you step into wisdom.
Over time you will step into the inherent wisdom of life. You know that love always comes on the strongest at the end. Many couples make love a lot before asking for a divorce. Some even try to seduce the other into bed during litigation. They’re opening up sexually just as they’re becoming less emotionally available. Because they are unwilling to do the work that all relationships make us do.
It’s easier to have sex than to dig in and build intimacy in a relationship.
Many people believe the institution of marriage is supposed to be for forever. The fighting and the divorce and the accompanying heartache you’re going through aren’t fair! Sometimes, it also isn’t always up to you and for that, you have to let go and trust.
You trust that your life will expand again. That you’ll heal and love another person. By holding onto the hope that your heart will mend, you make yourself available. To do the work a future relationship will need of you. And one day you’ll look back on those memories you once shared with joy and fondness. (Not during the fighting, not during litigation but waaaaaay down the road…)
After falling in and out of love, you learn to trust you’re being protected.
Remember when your parents told you not to follow a lover across the country? But you did so anyway? only to return home sometime later a bit more humbled when the relationship fell apart. As your heart healed, did you regret the adventure? Were you more appreciative of the experience and in awe of your parent’s wisdom? You were being protected. First by your parents with the warning and then by the universe when the relationship fell apart.
You were not meant to be with them no matter what you felt or what you thought.
That goes the same for marriages and relationships. You have to let go sometimes because when they end, they end. And when they end, you turn your focus back onto you and open up, trusting what’s next for your life. No matter how hard it is or how much it hurts. Your movie is just beginning again!
