Sitting across from a guy on a date who’s going through a divorce, most women can tell whether he’s only into sex or wants something more. Usually, women can tell if a guy’s got serious, personal growth work to do. Understand there are some serious pitfalls of dating that you will fall into! The pitfalls cover all categories of courtship. From wanting sex to wanting a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, though, most women won’t wait for you to learn what to do right.
It’s important to manage your sex drive when you first start dating.
Women know you’re want to have sex. We get that you’re all stressed out and need a release. But, women are not there strictly for your sexual needs. Even when they’re horny too. The woman you want is not going to sleep with you on the first date. Seriously. This morning, I heard a single woman complain about an email some guy sent her. He wrote about “his passionate need to have sex in the morning.” She’s never met the guy! Guess what… delete!
I’m not saying, don’t have sex, just don’t think it’s going to go anywhere good if you hook up on your first night out at a bar. Recognize that hookups have their place but they usually don’t end with warm and fuzzy feelings.
Your desire for a beautiful woman is natural and normal.
There is nothing wrong with a normal desire and attraction for beautiful women. You’ve been attracted to beauty since you were a boy and things won’t change now. But, women are people too. Safe women can spy an unhealthy man from miles away. So figure out who you want to be.
The woman you want needs a man who’s taking care of himself as he’s going through a divorce.
No woman can be your mother and your lover at the same time. Any woman who volunteers to come to your rescue will bore you to tears within months of knowing her! Don’t be fooled by that “let me help you” attitude. It reeks of co-dependence and is a future headache.
Instead, learn to care for yourself. Figure things out. You can manage way more than you realize. Especially in today when the information you need is at your fingertips. If you don’t know how to manage a home, learn. Women, worth your attention will find a man capable of making dinner more attractive than one who can’t make his own coffee.
The girl you want doesn’t want to hear about your divorce, but will also put you under a microscope.
I’m going to get real here – you are going through a divorce (or a breakup) and you’re dating. Don’t you think she’s wondering why you broke up with your wife? Why your ex-kicked you out of her bed? Why you tolerated the crap you went through before leaving? You’re going to be under a microscope. You are being evaluated way more than you’re sizing up the size of her waist.
The world needs men who can be honest and good women want honest men.
No woman worth your attention wants a bad man. So the taller, better looking, and wealthier you are, the more a good woman will be eyeing the facts. At the same time, no woman wants to be your therapist! Just like some girl acting like your mom won’t be your lover. So change the subject, learn how to be curious about her.
I guess that means, stop using women strictly for your own needs. Going through a divorce is tough. Get yourself some help and be open and coachable so that you don’t make the same mistakes again. If you want a good partner in the future (and when the anger subsides, you will want one) then go heal.
Become the kind of man you would want your own daughter or your sister to marry.
The woman you want isn’t going to tolerate your drama. But until you decide it’s not worth it, you won’t outgrow the need for it. It’s time to figure out how to wrap up your divorce. Get over the fighting, and establish a new relationship with your kids. These things take real time and while you’re dealing with them, perhaps, get on the bench. Now I hear you… that sex drive is all up in my face. But, you’re fooling yourself if you think drama is going to keep you and your new lady lover together.
The woman you want will not tolerate your lies. If you’re a liar, you know exactly what I’m referring to. Women are not stupid. We may miss the signs for a bit, but the woman you want will not tolerate your lies. White lies also multiply and lying, in general, is addictive. No woman, no child can deal with your lies. It feels awful.
The woman you want needs you to be an adult, not some freaky romantic guy.
In other words, you do you and find out what she likes! Most women can’t handle that mushy stuff all at once. When you call us “darling” and “dear,” or send us heart emojis, you might not mean to be offensive but it might freak us out. Some of us think you’re weird and needy, and creepy all at once. Be sure to find out if you may use those endearments before saying and typing them. We may not have grown up next to you and certain names and such might turn us off.
The woman you want is afraid to have you step-parent her children.
These are primal concerns and statistically very real. I now understand why moms with primary physical custody, are in less of a hurry to marry again then dads. It has to do with our primal wiring. It takes a healthy, good man to overcome the innate need to be top dog in the pack.
Being a step-father (or substitute father) is a tall order. There are good men able to rise to the occasion and provide for children not their own. If you’re on that track, in love with a woman who’s a mom, know this is the greatest responsibility you’ll ever face. Please get yourself the emotional support that you need. Make sure you know what you’re doing and learn how to do this role well.
The woman you want has been hurt and is looking for kindness and care as much as sex appeal and passion.
The woman you want has also been disappointed in love. She’s had a broken heart and is as wary as you are to get involved with someone new. That doesn’t mean she’s not available. It’s that you have to know where you stand and be able to woo her. The courtship is different when you’re older. You can’t date the way you did in your early 20’s even though you’ll try! Lucky for you, the woman you want is worth growing up for.