Having been through heartache more than once, I really know how to behave badly around friends and former acquaintances. Catching up with your friends and family though, I hope the pressure of your divorce this holiday season is lighter. You see, I was brilliant at dumping my pain and frustration because of the pressure of my divorce. There was little to no grace. As a result, I lost a lot of friends and colleagues. It’s easy now to admit I misbehaved. But while I was going through my divorces, I was impossible to be around.
This holiday season, please accept my gift of apologies. I truly did not have the skills for safe lines of communication.
This was mostly because I simply didn’t know there was a way to have grace under pressure! Who knew the story I was living was impossible for those around me? I certainly didn’t and for those friends, I hurt by dumping, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know any better!
As a coach, I hear a different perspective. I listen to the friends who are judgmental and exhausted really from listening to divorce this holiday season. Or the teachers who are fixated only on their students’ well-being, not the parent’s. And the attorneys and financial advisors who don’t really want to be therapists. They’re also not licensed to be, to begin with. And then there are the friends and family who don’t have a clue about how to help. During the holiday season, everyone is dealing with difficult emotions. Not just the person in their life going through a divorce.
The pressure of your divorce this holiday season is stressful. Period.
Going through a divorce is demanding. Even when we try, it’s difficult to leave the story of the divorce behind. It’s actually nearly impossible. The problem is that without a structure or a process to help someone going through a divorce stay stable, everyone has a tough time.
Working with a trained divorce coach is different than working with a therapist or unloading onto friends and family. A divorce coach keeps their clients stable. They give them new skills and help them look towards the future. To move forward in their lives instead of constantly reliving the past. Grace is developed because you’re able to create optimism.
You’re not alone, you’re not impossible… you’re in pain and need some new skills.
I can spot someone going through a divorce a mile away. They’re talking nonstop about their life (because they can’t stop themselves). The person who’s listening tends to be leaning back. They’re leaning as if to escape the onslaught of words and energy coming at them.
Your friends are torn because they wish they could help but they’ve lost their fun-loving friend. They don’t want to appear rude, and really want to be there, but not like this. Extended families are the worst because usually, they never liked the person we’re leaving. So they simply heap more fuel on the fire. Especially around the punch bowl.
Do yourself and all your friends and colleagues a favor and make the process less stressful for yourself. Find a good mentor in a divorce coach. You can go through and heal from divorce with grace. There are a few tools and some skills to learn. Go ahead and consider this a gift you give yourself. Your friends, colleagues, and family will thank you. This holiday season, you’ll have more fun and share joy together. As a result, you won’t lose them the way I did come the New Year.
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