How To Let Go And Move On After A Breakup

When it’s time to let go and move on after a breakup there are a few things that must end before you can have a new beginning. Or a new lover that’s healthy and available. Including the need to get rid of those who don’t treat you well.

You must let go of unhealthy people to move on.

Are you unable to stop others from treating you poorly? If you’ve suffered from not speaking up, then your breakup is going to be a huge growth spurt. This is when you get to try on a new you and go for speaking up, go for saying “no” and creating some integrity. It won’t be easy, and your ex might not like it. But this is the one time when you’re the decision maker. Doing so will make you stronger and more in control.

You have to become involved and forthright with the decisions to let go and move on after a breakup.

If you’re conditioned to getting your own way, going through a divorce is going to be a rude awakening. Courts, attorneys, and the law don’t always see things the way you do. They also don’t care about you getting your way. It’s tough to hear “no.” It’s not fun to have to let go and follow new rules for your children and your future. It’s really tough. But you’ll survive and you have to let go of that control in order to move on. Better yet, instead of sticking to “ it’s my way or the highway,” try to grow. Get out of your comfort zone and begin negotiating. Stand in the other person’s shoes, your kids’ shoes, and imagine what’s best for the family’s future.

In order to move on, let go of the idea of having to get your own way.

Lifestyle is the most difficult thing to let go of as you stumble into divorce and out the other end. Divorce causes everyone to lose wealth and money. It especially affects women who are trying to move on. But in truth, men who go through a divorce also suffer a shift in the quality of their lives. The primary breadwinner will have two households to maintain for a period of time. There needs to be money to woo a new partner. The gist is… lifestyles change. It’s often difficult to pay thousands of dollars to an attorney AND go on that vacation.

Moving on requires a change in lifestyle – nobody likes to let go of that!

Chances are that during your marriage, you played what I call the guessing game. This is where your beliefs and assumptions found their way into your marriage bed. Without serious consideration, conversation or comparing beliefs and visions of marriage, many people get confused. Chances are that during your divorce you found out that your ex-partner didn’t share the same beliefs. When these moments occur, you may feel like, “WTF, who was I married to?” But, in actuality, you married that spouse and now it’s time to let go and move on.

As you move forward with your life, guessing games have to go the way of your high school prom dress. Don’t bring games into your future. Instead, let the real decisions about your life come to the forefront of your mind. Use them as opportunities to learn how to ask difficult questions. Insist on clarity and make sure you understand every statement. You have a right to know what the expectations are. You must learn who that new person is sitting across from you on a date before you sign anything!

There can be no guessing games as you let go and move forward with your life.

Gossiping about your ex-partner is not a good idea. The problem with gossip is that it keeps you distracted from the things that matter. Gossip keeps you caught up in the story of your past and makes it difficult to let go. It also gets others all upset. It keeps you on edge. Divorce isn’t contagious. But become single and then find out how many of your married friends invite you to dinner!

When gossiping gets added into the picture, friendships go away. It causes false conclusions and suspect motives. When you catch others up on the progress of your separation, you remain emotional. You become difficult to be around. Your friends, if you want them in your future, deserve a chance to help you be you. Let them bring you back to your fun side.

Let go of the gossip and chatter go so you can move on with your life.

We’re all rooted in this imaginary fairy-tale when it comes to our futures. We have to be to leave an unhappy marriage! But to have what we want in the future, we need to let go of old beliefs. We divorce to create a more balanced and easier, even happier life. The moment separation begins is the moment to start letting go of the life you had and to begin changing.