I’m not going to lie; it’s not easy facing the future without a husband or a wife or a theoretical life-long partner. There are days when the loneliness after a breakup is really difficult. For me, the loneliness verges on depression. I get this overall feeling that I really don’t want to do anything. Since I’m a person with a lot of things going on, when I get like this, it stinks.
You may have a different scenario going on, but when I’m low, I cry. I want coffee and I want to crawl back into bed once my kids walk out the door for school. Usually, I don’t even want to get dressed or go out or even eat. Watching Netflix, that becomes my favorite part of the day. That with coffee is a pure comfort. And there are lots of tears. For those who remember me from Daytime TV, you know I’m a crier. So those tears come from years of pent-up disappointment and current sadness.
Should you stay in a bad marriage just because you’re afraid you’ll spend the rest of your life alone?
This may be a difficult question for you to answer. For me, though, it was easy. When I was contemplating leaving my first husband, I would climb these hills on this island in Greece where I was living and I’d ask God. Or the Universe or whatever I was calling a higher power back then to help me figure out my decision. I didn’t dare speak about what was going on between my ears because I was so afraid of burning in Hell. And I was really afraid of my husband back then. I would go up there alone and cry and pray, I guess. I guess that’s what I was doing.
What are you hoping to experience in your future?
It was a really difficult decision to make. But ultimately, I did leave him because I felt that life is too long to stay in a bad marriage. The loneliness and the feeling of being alone in that partnership were killing me. The pain was bigger than my fears and for me, for both divorces, it was true. Yeah, I know I’m being dramatic, but for me, for how I view the world, it’s that big. The loneliness after a breakup is easier for me to handle than being lonely in a marriage.
Feeling alone in the midst of what is theoretically a partnership is lonely.
Ideally, I want you to know there’s always hope. You don’t have to remain alone for the rest of your life if you don’t want to. You will also overcome the loneliness after a breakup if you stay positive. At least that’s what I’ve finally learned after these many years being unattached. So let’s talk about hope and what it has to do with being alone and what it has to do with being single. It’s pretty important.
There has to be hope to overcome the loneliness after a breakup.
I hold onto hope in a lot of ways. For example, I hoped I could navigate my divorce trial without a boyfriend—without using another person as an emotional crutch—and I did.
I hoped I could find the right group of people who could support and understand me while I was going through a lot of chaos and change. And of course, they were there.
There is the hope that one day, my picker is healed and strong and wises up and finds a great guy for me to be with. ‘Cause I do want a partner. I never wanted to do this alone.
I hope that being single is fun. And it’s not always fun, I assure you. Sometimes the loneliness can be overwhelming and the breakup really front and center. But I hope that tonight or today, I can do things as a single person. And I have… going to school events or fundraisers, going out for dinner or going to the movies. Learning to date myself and have fun by myself. This can be really difficult for a lot of us. You can too, and you will. It comes with the territory.
Take back your ability to navigate a day without caring about another person who once shared your bed.
You may opt for being alone for a long time. Or you may declare you never want to marry again, and then again, you may just need some time being single. In fact, I highly advocate it. Choose to be alone. Be lonely. Just be single for a while. Figure out who you are. Figure out your voice without your ex’s feedback loop.
Let’s be clear, I’m not advocating being callous or mean-spirited. I’m advocating you get to know yourself as a single person. Stand by yourself in your own shoes and rightfully claim your place. Learn who you’re going to become. Give yourself the time and the attention you need to overcome the loneliness after a breakup.
Care for yourself, date yourself, have fun by yourself.
After going through a divorce, the mind, body, and heart need tender loving care. There needs to be fierce determination and time to focus on the future in order to overcome the loneliness of the breakup. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to do all that while also worrying about being single or having fears of being alone or lonely. I have hope that the future me will find the right partner for what remains of my life. I have the same hope for you.