There is life after a breakup. Sometimes, an amazing life. In the middle of a divorce, you may be unsure if you’ll be someone who will have that amazing life. This is a fair enough concern. Not everyone does. But somewhere deep down inside, can you feel the excitement? The curiosity? The wonder? Where are you in your grief?
Going through a separation of any kind is tough. No one likes change. Heck, I hate cutting out sugar on any given day never mind starting a workout routine or begin a new school year with my kids. Nothing that forces us out of our comfortable lives is easy. Not for you, not for me.
For an amazing life, excitement has to be on the other side of a coin called fear.
If your breakup or separation is brand new, you’re probably still reeling and may not be feeling hope. Unfortunately, it takes a little while to feel hope. Honestly. You’re probably going to be in the fear space for some time to come. However, you won’t be there forever. In fact, on the other side of fear is the excitement for a new life. Do you see what I’m saying? We can call it fear or we can call it excitement! Either way, it’s right. I just offer excitement because I find it more empowering than fear any time.
So if you’ll allow me to stay on the excitement side of fear… how amazing is it to have a chance to start over? To actually press pause on this merry go round you’ve been on and figure out who you are without them holding onto a mirror of judgment and approval for you? For example, are you ready to stand in your own shoes? Imagine being able to create a new life on your own, surrounded by a new group of friends. How would it feel to have your family admire your courage and heart?
You can make your life what you want it to be.
Okay, you’re saying not everyone’s divorce turns out okay. You’re saying you’re still really whacked and you can’t wrap your head around being excited for all sorts of scary reasons. That makes sense too. Like I wrote, not everyone succeeds at this new life thing. (And, not everyone wants to… )
Maybe your friends are worse off after their separation. You may honestly be afraid that your lifestyle will be worse off, and all you’re thinking about is getting married again. I would understand it if you think all the good ones are taken! It’s tough to live in this story. But it’s only one way of looking at your future, and it’s not helpful. In fact, living in this tale will keep you playing small. And because what you believe will come true, I recommend you decide to take the positive, optimistic, even slightly idealistic route.
Pull up your big boy or girl pants and create the future life you want to call your own.
The changes you’re up against will not always be easy or smooth or fun. But a divorce can be that good for us. It can make us aspire, to stretch and grow. For most people, looking back on the experience, they realize that they’re incredibly grateful. Their lives have turned out to be amazing.
Without that kind of excitement, inspiration or belief, it’s a lonely, sad, very difficult story. I believe your life can be amazing. I’m 100% sure that your life will be different, but it can be amazing. You can be amazing. You can become what you need to be.