Some people wrongly feel that when going through a divorce, a Divorce Coach is redundant and threatening to the other divorce professionals. We’re used to hiring attorneys or certified financial analysts or even therapists to help. But honestly, nothing could be further from the truth! Each professional has a role to play, and in my own experience going through a divorce, I utilized many of them.
A divorce coach, in the way I’ve been trained and practice, helps clients to manage their fears and the decisions that need to be made. And there are a lot of decisions to be made!
Going through a divorce, a divorce coach helps to brainstorm with a client.
This way a client is able to manage their budget and get focused before going to a lawyer. As a result, the attorney gets a more credible client. And the client isn’t wasting time and money re-telling their divorce story each time they have an appointment.
Most people going through divorce aren’t sick or ill. They’re more frightened or acting out in reaction to disappointment, anger, and loss. Up until now, a therapist has been the default place to go. I like therapists. But my work focuses on the present and the future. Most therapists look toward the past and how it’s affecting the present. Our work is different and sometimes both professionals are necessary.
Another misconception is that people think I’m telling my clients what to do. In actuality, telling someone what to do never works … remember being a teenager?
With a divorce coach, people get a place to manage feelings.
Working with a divorce coach, clients get to think about what they want and strategize how to get it. They take time and space away from their responsibilities to heal. I’m a hand-holder to feelings that come up after a client leaves the attorney’s office or gets their divorce decree.
Going through a divorce, emotionally charged people deal with a lot of really important decisions. Emotional decisions are expensive decisions. Courts, attorneys, friends, and children demand answers. Or they’re simply encouraged to “just start dating again” as if that’s the answer to the stress. Or they imagine living with someone is a great, fun idea.
Going through a divorce, a client has to slow down the emotional roller coaster.
That way decision-making can be given proper attention. The result is a calmer friend, mom, and colleague who’s navigating the loss of their marriage while planning for their future. My clients make up their own minds. With a divorce coach, they can examine different aspects and choices available to them. Then they figure out what works for their family. The outcomes are amazing. Instead of being an emotional wreck, clients are able to manage and show up for life.
A third misconception is that a divorce coach is a waste of time and money. Some people wrongly believe that good friends and family are enough. Or they feel that the healing lies in dating. Some people throw themselves into their work. Or worse, they become resigned to their life as it is. I cringe when I hear those words.
I call the aftermath of a poorly navigated divorce Post-Traumatic Divorce Disorder™.
When someone going through this experience isn’t getting help – they’re simply dating and having a lot of sex or simply stuffing feelings down – the repercussions will most likely bite them later. These individuals look beaten up. They may or may not be as successful as they once were. A lot of pessimism and loss permeates their self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth. They don’t want to settle but they do. The worst part is that they don’t have the tools to heal because their ex still holds the mirror.
Know anyone two to seven years out from a divorce decree who’s still stuck in the past and unhappy? Or If you or someone you know has lost the joy in there life, it may be time to work with a specialist in the emotional healing from a divorce. These walking wounded need help moving forward with their lives. A lot of my work focuses on these post-divorce issues. Clients take back the mirror held by their ex.