Second guessing yourself stinks. Especially if you’re doing your best to get over a breakup that you initiated. When you’re the dumper, you expect that you’ll easily walk away from the heartache without too many repercussions. So it’s a bit of a shock to find yourself having a hard time with that breakup. It’s no fun agonizing over or missing someone you loved.
Love has a way of sneaking back into our thoughts when we’re doing our best to forget about someone.
Despite your best efforts, it’s nearly impossible to remove the parts of the brain that store memory. So how do you get over a break up you caused? You put it into a big, big perspective.
On some deep level, you probably realized that that person wasn’t right for you. So you ended the relationship. Hopefully gracefully (not by a text) and hopefully with some dignity so that if you run into them in the future, you don’t have to bury your head in your cell phone. But you ended it because you knew it wasn’t right. Whatever right means to you.
If you’re having a hard time with that breakup? Welcome to the human race.
It’s not actually possible to forget about someone who’s touched your heart. They get in there and take up space. Even if they hurt or betrayed you. Even though you knew they weren’t right for you, it’s the way we’re wired. So, expect to think about the good moments the two of you shared from time to time.
You’re capable of way more than you think in the midst of pain, triggered by memories.
You are not at the mercy of your feelings. Ever. Be selective, manage those thoughts that cause you pain. Growing older and wiser, there’s a part of us that must run the show. So enjoy the happy ones and then stop. Shift. Decide whether or not those particular feelings are productive or useful at the moment.
Opt for joy and decide to be happy in the here and now. Not your memories.
If you don’t take care of you, who will? It’s time to put that break up into a healthy perspective. You ended the relationship for a real reason! So wish them well and make a U-turn to you… how are you taking care of yourself these days? Are you doing the things you know you need to do, to get the kind of partner you really want to have? Make some courage and figure out how to do the work you need to do.
You’re the person you’re supposed to be thinking about. Not them or the memories.
When the focus returns, there’s courage and determination to grow and the energy to find that true partner. It’s easier to overcome the impulses and triggers and regain authority over your heart and mind when you put yourself first. Try that the next time you begin to feel guilty or sad.
Are you having a hard time with that breakup because you like to indulge the painful feelings?
Too often we think we deserve to feel guilty and suffer inner (if not outer) shame and embarrassment. Shame is one of those feelings we do our best to avoid but has a way of sneaking in at all hours of the day. Okay, fair enough. But let me ask you… what’s it really about? Who’s definition of love are you trying to live up to? Because the God I know wouldn’t want you to suffer in love. And your life is a long time to be suffering.
There are these magic properties with time and space that will help when you’re having a hard time with that breakup.
There really is something to be said about time passing. You really will shoulder on. It’ll be emotional at first (until you gain control over your thoughts and feelings) and then the memories will come and go and they won’t hurt so much. Over time, they’ll come and go and make you smile. You’ll regain your center and become grateful that relationship is over.
Believe you’re worth the love coming your way.
Have some faith… there’s a person out there looking for you. Just the right one, with the right color eyes and the perfect smile. They’re looking for you too. Maybe they’re wondering why they’ve got these kinds of memories too.
Over time, they’ll be able to move on, put some distance between the memories. Eventually, they’ll be able to see you too. Count on that! Know that. That’s how you’ll get over a breakup when you’re the dumper. Remember that you’re worthy of a real love. That’s why you ended it, to begin with.